A Crash Course in Polite Conversation
by Batman and Ronon
Summary: Rodney McKay a prisoner? Just another day in the Pegasus Galaxy. Rated T to be safe. My first fanfiction so be nice.
1. Chapter 1

"What do you mean we're out of water?!" Rodney's voice boomed around the small room. Who would have thought such a small man could have such a loud and emotionally draining voice?

Faith had spent the past week holed up with this man, in her tiny little craft, which she planned to have sound proof doors installed upon when she returned home, attempting to deliver her prisoner to the buyer.

But God and just about every other major power in the system had tried to stop her from day one. No reward is worth this.

"I bet people on death row get better treatment than this!"

7 Days, 16 hours and 23 minutes. That's how long so far she'd had to put up with this crap. Time to remedy that. She stood and walked over to him, grabbing her rifle from the side and raising it above her head.

The man's eyes suddenly widened and his mouth shut, holding his restrained hands in front of his face as best he could. And yet out of some sort of divine interruption on his part, a klaxon sounded.

Turning on her heel, Faith stomped towards the door dropping her weapon by the wall. She flashed a card almost absentmindedly over the panel next to it and was rewarded with an all-to familiar hum. The door slid open, the young woman pushing her way through. The door now fully open Rodney caught a glimpse inside the small cabin beyond. At the far end was a large viewport with a view of space. Not something Rodney was usually a stranger to but this time, it was spinning. That can't be good; he thought his attention now focused on the woman, pounding at a panel furiously.

"Oh for God's sake! You stupid piece of crap." The deck beneath her suddenly lurched and she was thrown onto the console in front of her. Struggling to her feet she stroked the console affectionately and sighed, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry baby, now why don't you be a good girl and save my skin will you…" A second klaxon started, accompanying the first in a deathly harmony, the stars in the viewport now spinning at a dizzying rate. "You still have that grudge against me for that overhaul I gave you don't you?"

As yet another lurch shook the ship to its very core, the door to the adjacent cabin slammed shut, coming to a screeching halt, succeeding in obscuring Rodney's view of what was going on. Suddenly his intrigue for answers was replaced by the overwhelming nature of saving his own life. Taking a glance around him and it his restraints, a pair of normal handcuffs with a deadly 300v current that would course through them at the touch of a button, Rodney came to the conclusion he was screwed.

Lowering herself into the poorly maintained seat at the center of the cabin, Faith's hands danced rapidly over the controls in front of her. The lights dimmed and sparks flew out from her right, somehow, a mystery even to her, keeping her focus. Determined to finish the job, she leaned over, putting herself in risk of being thrown across the cabin, she gripped a lever, using what energy she had left to pull it down. The klaxons ceased and the stars came to a halt. For the first time in a very long week, Faith let out a huge sigh of relief and relaxed, smiling to herself.

Opening one eye, Rodney risked a peek. Same cabin, same seat, same urge for something to eat. Opening both of his eyes fully, he sat up fully, scanning the room halfheartedly. If I'm dead then death sucks.

Being dragged from her own personal thoughts, Faith resumed her cold, cryptic demeanor. She had to keep up this appearance in public, she couldn't let anyone in. The way she saw it was that with no one to care about there was no one to worry about. Getting up, she sauntered towards the door, scanning her card over it quickly. Nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

"My luck is not this bad..." She exhaled heavily scanning the card repeatedly over the scanner, almost screaming out in frustration as nothing happened. My God my rifles still on the other side of that door, just lying around. Turning around and spreading her arms helplessly, Faith looked for something that would wedge it open. Resting her eyes upon the console, she noticed a screwdriver resting on it. Somehow she already knew this wasn't going to work but she couldn't just sit there. Picking it up and turning her attention back upon the door she slid it into the crack in the frame of the door, pulling on it furiously. After about 10 minutes of this with no results her patience began wearing thin and she threw the screwdriver across the room, slamming her fist into the door.

Taking advantage of his captor's absence, Rodney had been trying to figure a way out his restraints. He was actually close to a solution when a thud resounded off the door. A fear reflex kicked in and Rodney shuddered, staring intently at the door. Gulping, he took the plunge and opened his mouth. "H…hello?"

Looking up at the door, Faith pressed her ear to it, so sure she'd heard someone speak. Of course, that oh-so very annoying man. "Hey! Erm…" Oh God, what was his name? Roger? Robert? "Err… prisoner, what the hell did you do to this door?"

At first he was relieved to hear her voice but quickly forgot that feeling as she continued speaking. "What did _I _do? In case you forgot I'm chained up back here!"

Urgh, she'd forgotten how annoying his voice was, not to mention how arrogant he was. Closing her eyes and clenching her teeth, she flicked her tongue and calmly answered. "Don't take that tone with me! Answer the damn question." Well as calmly as she could at least.

How stupid is this chick? Even if I could sabotage the door what would I do? All the controls are on the other side of the door where she is. I'm forever surrounded by idiots. "I didn't do anything, okay? Maybe it malfunctioned while you were doing that fantastic flying back there."

She scowled and her nostrils flared. If it weren't for this damn door she'd smack him so hard right now. But she had to keep her cool, especially in situations like this. "Okay if what you say is true, hypothetically, how do we get it open?"

"You've got to be kidding me. This is your ship, shouldn't you know?"

"I just work here."

"Seriously? Well what makes you think I'll know?"

"Don't play games with me Doctor, I know what your skills are, you're a scientist. This should be like a walk in the park for you." Did I just compliment him? I need a drink.

Did she just compliment me? "Well that's true. Still, I'm handcuffed back here? No matter how smart I am, which is very smart by the way, genius in fact, I can't do anything from here."

She thought about this for a moment and scowled, cursing silently under her breath. She had to let her prisoner free, to set her free. There's irony for you. "Okay err…"

"Rodney"

"Yeah, whatever, I'm gonna undo your restraints from a remote terminal in here. Then you can go do your thing."

"And then what, you expect me to open the door and put the restraints back on, letting you take me God knows where."

"Pretty much."

He frowned and weighed up his options. Stay shackled up and get taken God knows where. Help her and maybe gain the upper hand. "Deal."

She smiled, knowing she'd won this little skirmish. Walking over to the console, her finger hovered above the button. Do I really need him? He could be more trouble than he's worth. She already knew the answer to that as she pressed the button.

The handcuffs fell away from Rodney's hands and clattered onto the floor. Wow, she came through in the end then. Stretching his arms out in front of him he sighed contently. "It feels so good to be able to actually move." Grinning he stood up and shook his legs, getting the feel back for it.

"What's taking so long?"

"Sorry ma'am." Making his way to the door, he took his first real look around the room. At first glance it seemed like any other four walled, metallic room on a ship. Turns out his first glance was spot on. There was nothing especially interesting about the room besides a broken door and a row of seats along the left of the back wall, one of which he'd been stuck in for far too long.

Looking back at the door, he inspected the panel next to it, scratching his head lightly. He kneeled down in front of it and tilted his head slightly. Taking two corners of it with his hands, he pulled it off the wall, surprisingly easily and laid it on the floor carefully. Inside was a jumble of wires, all of which were steaming. She must have gotten this ship for a real bargain. Rummaging around inside it, he flipped a few wires around, wincing as he felt a small electrical shock. After a few more minutes of this trial and painful error, he decided this was going to take a while.

"What's the hold up Rodney? I've got a deadline to meet."

"Yes and reminding me that you're just in this to sell me off is really going to make me work faster."

"The fact I could depressurize that compartment at any moment should be incentive enough Mr. McKay."

"Doctor."

"What?"

"I'm a Doctor, Dr Mckay."

"Whatever…"

And just like that silence filled the two cabins, neither of them willing to speak. McKay was fine with that of course; it just meant he could get on with his work faster and without interruptions. If only he had that type of freedom on Atlantis.

Faith slumped back into the chair, spinning in it mindlessly. God this job could get dull at times. She preferred it when they had a routine going. He'd say something, she'd ignore it completely and if he continued she'd hit him over the head or something. Simple. But this was torture, she actually needed his help. She had to see what he was doing. He could be setting up some kind of trap for me or formulating an escape.

"So uh, why me?"

She sat up and looked curiously at the door, wondering why he was even attempting to talking to her. "Why you, what?"

"Why capture me?"

"Because someone paid me to."

"Thank you for that incredibly cryptic answer. The cold winter nights with you must just fly by."

Sighing she stood and walked over to the door, sitting on the floor beside it and leaning on it. "The truth is I don't know. You learn not to ask too many questions when in my line of work. But whoever wants you, is willing to pay a hell of a lot of money for you, I'm talking enough to retire here."

"Really?" This at peaked his interest, he stopped working and looked at the door, as if that would make the conversation any more formal. "I'm worth that much. Oh Sheppard's not gonna here the end of this."

"What makes you think you'll get a chance to him?"

Rodney stooped working and looked at the door for a second, the grim realization that he probably wasn't going to get rescued only just sinking in.

"Rodney?"

Shaking his head and snapping out of his thoughts, McKay went immediately back to work, needing to clear his head. "Yeah..?"

"Nevermind."

At with that the silence was back again. Having listened to this man blather on all week other nothing sometimes, it was odd to be able to hear herself think. And to be honest, she didn't like it.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been well over an hour and she hadn't heard a peep from Rodney's side of the door. On the bright side this had given her some time to catch up with her reading. On the down side she couldn't concentrate for worrying about what exactly he was doing. Every time she attempted to communicate with him she couldn't think of anything to say and just gave up.

Having given up on the panel at least twenty minutes ago, Rodney now sat with his back to the door, his eyes closed, getting in some well deserved sleep while he could. If he was free and out of that mad woman's grasp, he was going to enjoy this. Placing his hands behind his head he began humming 'Mmm Bop' to himself. A personal favourite of his, though he'd never admit it to Sheppard. He'd made that mistake before in Biology class. Man I hated high school... even the teachers bullied me, especially that buck-toothed, pathetic excuse for a gym teacher. What a tool. And with that he had a very horrifying flashback.

"Well class since it's raining we wont be playing soccer today. Inste-"

"Yes!"

"Instead we'll be using McKay as target practice for dodge ball."

"Son of a bitch…"

Pacing back and forth in the cramped space of the cockpit wasn't as cracked up to be as it seemed at first. If you could call taking one and a half steps, then wheeling around and starting over again, a pace. With an incompetent ship, about as much luck as an apricot, and between a complete engine failure and the door slamming shut, Faith's day just couldn't get any worse.

And as if all seven of her God's had looked down at her and not taken pity but instead spat on her, the computer blurted out "Warning, complete system shut down in 18 minutes."

McKay bolted up faster than he'd done in a while, his eyes wide open now, a look of sheer horror on his face, a dozen thoughts streaming through his head.

_**Complete**_ system shut down?

That means life support!

I need air!

Although I wouldn't have to work on this blasted door anymore.

But then I'd be dead which would be a major blow to the universe.

Wait, they use minutes in the Pegasus galaxy? I knew it, wait till Zelenka hears this! Assuming I survive this. Hmm, wonder if I'll have a memorial service.

"McKay! What did you do?"

"Once again for those of us who have the memory of an eight year-old. You have all the technology, genius Rodney has a broken door and some handcuffs."

"Then why do all these horrible things happen when _you're_ around?"

"I think that's just bad karma on my part."


End file.
